just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
