im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
