Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
