I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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