I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
