I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
