Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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