I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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