hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
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I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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