I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
