So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
