I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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