I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
