mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
