your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
