mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
