What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
