Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
