I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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