my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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