Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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