Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
