No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
