So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
