the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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