mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
