he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
