i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
