i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
