I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So. Much. Porn.
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