Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
