Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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