then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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