If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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