ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
