my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
