over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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