So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
