There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
