my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
