Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
