Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
