That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
