Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We were destined to go to rehab together
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
