I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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