We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
