this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
