Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
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he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
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