what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
