I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
