you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
