I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
