its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
