trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
