Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize