ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
