from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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