I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
