She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
