his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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