you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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