i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So many bounce houses so little time
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
