I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
