yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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