You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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