part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
